The new Super Mario Bros. Movie trailer hammers home the greatest injustice of our time
Charles Martinet was right there, Nintendo, and yet you subject us to this?
I really want to love the Super Mario Bros. Movie. If there was ever an animated film that was designed to appeal solely to my demographic, this would be it.
And yet my enthusiasm for seeing the entire Mushroom Kingdom come to life on the silver screen has been flattened by one Thwomp-sized issue that refuses to go away.
Just like when I first saw the monstrosity that was supposed to be Sonic the Hedgehog – with his human teeth, furry calves and beady little eyes – I’m really worried I’ll spend the majority of the Mario film shaking my head in disappointment. A bit like my mum did when I told her I didn’t want to be a lawyer and wanted to write about video games for a living instead.
Thankfully, SEGA went back to the drawing board and fixed the Blue Blur’s hideous visage, arguably saving the Sonic the Hedgehog film from being dead on arrival. But Nintendo seems steadfast in its ludicrous decision to keep Chris Pratt as the voice of Mario, despite the fact Charles Martinet is right there.
And that sucks more than Professor E. Gadd’s Poltergust 3000.
Check out the official Super Mario Bros. Movie trailer below and brace yourself for some spectacular highs and crushing lows.
Let’s talk about the good stuff first. The animation detail in the Super Mario Bros. Movie is absolutely sublime and might be Illumination’s best work to date. Jack Black still sounds incredible as Bowser, and we got to hear Charlie Day as Luigi. While I’m a big fan of Charlie Day, I wasn’t sure how the It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia star’s distinctive voice would come across – but yeah, it seems like the perfect fit for the gangly green machine.
Keegan-Michael Key’s Toad is also a winner now that I’ve heard him again, and the fact Peach – who is voiced by Anya Taylor-Joy – isn’t typecast as the damsel in distress for the umpteenth time is a welcome twist on Nintendo’s usual formula.
Not my Mario
But then there’s Chris Pratt’s Mario voice, which he previously boasted would be “unlike anything you’ve heard in the Mario world before”. And that’s definitely accurate – because it’s just Chris Pratt’s regular voice.
I hated hearing Pratt’s take on the portly plumber the first time around, but did you catch Pratt’s pathetic “wahoo” during this trailer? You may have missed it because Pratt delivered it with all the gusto of a field mouse farting in the wind.
What about the bit where Pratt says one of Mario’s most popular catchphrases – “let’s-a go” – despite not having an Italian accent? It’s clearly supposed to be one of those “omg he said the thing!” moments that some moviegoers will revel in, but it just comes across as awkward and forced to me.
More specifically, it just serves as a cruel reminder that Martinet isn’t voicing Mario. Here’s what we should have got.
The problem is, then, that Chris Pratt’s Mario voice either just sounds like he’s playing himself, or attempting to do a terrible impression of Martinet’s Mario. Let’s-a not, shall we?
Even though Pratt’s involvement burns more than a well-aimed fireball to the tushie, I still think the Super Mario Bros. Movie will be a blast. From the two trailers we’ve seen, it’s shaping up to be rather special and is bound to further cement Nintendo’s mascot into the annals of video game cinema history.
However, I’m bracing myself for Lanky Kong levels of disappointment whenever Mario opens his mouth, and I can only imagine the levels of sadness that Charles Martinet – the voice of Mario since the 90s – must have felt when Nintendo told him he was being ditched for Pratt. Mamma mia indeed.
I can forgive Nintendo for canceling support for ARMS, one of the best Nintendo Switch games around, and I still believe the Wii U was a good console, despite its many detractors and obvious failings.
But this? This is unforgivable. No matter how great the Super Mario Bros. Movie turns out to be, I’ll never have mushroom in my heart for Pratt.
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